Tome of the Ages

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Tome of the Ages

First Appearance: Shortpacked! January 18, 2007

Galasso's latest scheme, apparently cooked up by him, Faz and Mike Warner for world conquest. Well okay, a scheme to take over Toys R Us, but it's a start. It states that Toys R Us and Shortpacked! were once one corporation, The United Toy Store, that was started by Lincoln (who was a ninja) and it "[granted] peace and Spawn figures for all." Under stewardship of the Eaton the company split and the Eaton retreated promising to return to unite the split corporations and bring love and jokes about someone who may or may not be Batman. Ethan Siegal was first celebrated as the second Eaton due to the similarity of his name to Eaton and his love of Batman. It was also written that the second Eaton must provide an heir, though Ethan would not do the nasty with Conquest because he was gay. He was then cast out (fired) when Galasso learned what it meant to be "gay", and "male". The Gospel of Faz revels the truth of the false Eaton, but will "require some retranslations. After speaking with Ethan Amber becomes a champion for the Tome of the Ages rejecting The Gospel of Faz. A battle ensued, but the whole thing quickly subsided when Galasso grew tired of the nonsense and revealed he could just buy Toys R Us for a nickel (quite similar to the method by which I purchased your mom last night).^[1]

People chose to follow the Tome for various reasons, Ethan saw it as an opportunity for a Nightbeat figure, Robin wanted love which the Tome promised, Amber just needed something in which to believe, Faz and Mike probably just saw an opportunity for power and who knows what Ninja Rick or Ronald Reagan were thinking.