Mike Warner
From Walkypedia!
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| Mike Warner |
| First Appearance: Roomies! April 16, 1999 |
| YOB: 1979 |
| Height: 5'8" |
| Weight: 160 lbs |
| Squadron(s): 128, 82 |
Mike Warner is an asshole. That pretty much sums it up. No one really knows why he acts this way. He has described himself as "whatever you don't want me to be." [1]
An abductee, Mike worked as a SEMME agent defending the world against alien invasions until the government agency's dissolution. His abductee powers have never been clearly specified, but they do include enhanced strength [2], which is common among the abductees. His ability to piss people off, though, is natural.
He died (valiantly) defending the world and your mom from the Martian Invasion in 2004, but apparently even death couldn't stop him, and in 2005 fellow SEMME agent Robin found him working at the toy store Shortpacked! right after she was hired there herself.
Contents |
History
As a kid, Mike wished he could choke people with his mind like Darth Vader, [3] a childhood dream he never truly abandoned. [4]
Although it is not clear what religion Mike belongs to, apparently his religion involves the sacrifice of dogs. [5]
SEMME
Mike was first seen in 1999 working for SEMME [6], an organization dedicated to saving the earth and killing aliens. Lots of them. A Squadron 128 member, he was always the resident asshole, except when drunk - then his personality reverses, and he becomes polite, gentle and respectful.
He has (had?) a sort of friendship with Jason Chesterfield and they are (were?) at least drinking buddies. It is unknown how exactly he considers Jason when sober, but Mike seems less hostile with him than usual.
Dina Sarazu exploited his drunk state early and often during their relationship. Though Mike used any opportunity to lower her, insult her and tell her how terrible her life was, Dina used their conversations to learn more about herself and work some trust into herself. Whether this was Mike's intention is unknown, though unlikely. But her death actually touched him more than anything else to that point [7]. Those events and maybe Walky's guilt trip reaction may have turned him even further into an asshole. Walky blamed Mike for Dina's death and beat Mike within an inch of his life. After these incidents, Mike transferred to Squadron 82, swapping squads with Robin DeSanto.
In 2004, Mike died during the Martian Invasion saving Joyce's life. [8] After his death, he appeared in "purgatory" alongside Walky, Dina and many other definitively-dead characters. [9] Mike's fellow SEMME agents searched for two months for any scrap of Mike's DNA that they could use to resurrect him in the Martian Resurrection Chamber [10] that Joe built after the invasion.
Shortpacked!
However, in January of 2005, Mike inexplicably reappeared, very much alive and working in the Shortpacked! toy store[11]. His resurrection is completely unexplained and seemingly impossible with the technology usually employed in the Walkyverse to bring people back to life. [12] Mike has vaguely implied that the owner and manager of the Shortpacked! store, Galasso, might have something to do with his resurrection.
Mike works now for Shortpacked! in retail and frequently demonstrates to his coworkers how delusional they are about themselves and the world around them. Or he will just, you know, physically and/or mentally hurt anyone with or without reason. To no surprise, he is in fact the one who inspired Galasso to create the Customer Protection Rackets system.[13] Mike was the first one to suspect Ethan was gay[14] and the one who made him realize it.[15] Through hook and crook, he is the best CPR seller.
Since he started working at Shortpacked!, only two things have been seen to visibly affect Mike: someone who was (or acted) oblivious to his insults [16] (he may have worked that out, though), and the death of Tony the Tiger, which saddened him to the point of not bodily harming a child who was enjoying ice-cream [17].
Trivia
- Mike's character is inspired by Willis' friend in fifth grade, Jason Michael Warner. He was very friendly and always smiled.
- David Willis had planned to reveal a back story for Mike which involved the Giant Mutant Frosted Honey Bun tearing through New York. However, after 9/11 Willis postponed it and eventually dropped it completely.
- According to Ethan, Mike is the hottest guy in the store.[18]
- Mike starred with Bart O'Ryan in the cult comic Lawsome.
- He might be left-handed, right-handed or ambidextrous.
- Mike has done your mom for a nickel. So has everyone else.
- Mike is musically inclined and can play the violin, but he only does so to be a jackass.
- Mike got wood when Amber chased-off David Willis and Maggie for celebrating their dating anniversary while Amber couldn't speak to her internet-boyfriend. This suggests that, much like Chuck Norris, the only thing that turns on Mike is Mike, or rather, an asshole equal to himself - which is rare.
- No thanks to Ultra Car's jealousy, he was dropped in the Amazon with Ethan. They traveled from the Amazon, through Mexico, and the Deep South to Botcon 08. Because they travelled through the Deep South, they were dressed in Confederate soldier uniforms upon arrival. And because he was also wearing a fake beard, Joe probably didn't recognise him.
- When he finally returned to Shortpacked!, he was dressed as Marion Ravenwood. Since he didn't look happy at this, exactly how Ethan managed to force him into the dress is unclear.
