Faz

From Walkypedia!

Faz

First Appearance: Shortpacked! 30 November 2005

YOB: ????

Height: 5'3''

Weight: 130 lbs

Kinsey Score: 6

Faz, Shortpacked!'s new recruit, has an infuriatingly smug grin you (or Mike) would love to remove with a grenade launcher. He's got some amoral ideas on how to succeed in the workplace, and it's even more infuriating that they seem to work. A very driven and performance-oriented person, his love of charts and graphs is only surpassed by his love of beating Ethan. Faz is living proof that sometimes it's "better not to think about it."

According to Faz, "Faz is awesome."

History

Faz first started working at Shortpacked! as a seasonal employee during the busy Christmas period after Black Friday. Voicing his intention to get hired permanently, he intended to replace the regular cast in anyway possible - even if it meant sleeping with Ninja Rick. He ended up becoming Employee of the Month and getting upgraded to a full employee. This also lead to Sydney Yus being fired, since Amber fudged the CPR numbers in Ethan's favour.

After a few months of working at Shortpacked!, Faz quickly became infatuated with Amber, divulging to Ethan that he would make her his bride, if only because she was the only woman shorter than him in the store. This spiraled into a contest between Amber and Robin to prove that Faz was going after because she was dorky, but even when she turned hot he was still determined to woo her by going behind the counter naked. Even when Amber kissed a random customer to "prove" she was a lesbian, Faz still persisted, citing that Amber was still between 1 and 6 on the Kinsey Scale (Wikipedia), unlike himself who was a certain 6. His score at the homosexual end of the spectrum is due, at least, to his gay encounter with Rick. Since he states that sleeping with Amber will move his score to a 3 it can be inferred that Rick was Faz's only sexual encounter. Eventually, Faz went on a date with Amber - to Compusa to buy her a new laptop.

When Faz failed the test of impregnating Galasso's daughter because he chose purity instead, he resolved overcome the struggle and prove his worth, by collecting a list of Ethan's weaknesses. Using a cunning disguise, he toured the store for clues, leading to Ethan going on a date with Robin in order to avoid her revealing his weaknesses to Faz.

After the Tome of Ages revealed Ethan to be the chosen heir to the Toys R Us and Shortpacked! bloodlines, Faz devised a Apocrypha of Faz that involved Amber as his Bride. This was later revised into the The Gospel of Faz that named Faz as the second Eaton, heir to the two bloodlines. Faz has quickly begun to abuse his new position, to the point of uspuring power from Galasso (going so far as to have Ninja Rick attack Galasso) and renaming Amber as Galsso's true heir as oppose to Connie. Despite Faz's belief otherwise, Galasso is not impressed by his actions, and later strangles Faz and throws his body into a wall.

Despite a rather long absence, Faz is not currently dead. This is sad. However he is now employed as Galasso's personal slave servant. Well, maybe it's for the best.

Trivia

• Faz is named after "Fazoli's Kid," the infuriatingly smug little boy whose picture, until recently, adorned all the drink dispensers at Fazoli's restaurants. Outside the comic strip, his full name has been given, perhaps jokingly, as "Faz O. Lee."
• The Kinsey Scale does not work the way Faz thinks it does.